One of the hazards of being off on the weekend is that there is a lot of downtime. Usually, downtime is a cause for celebration, and most of the time it is. However for me, I find that downtime gives me too much time to sit and contemplate stuff.
That stuff is usually not healthy to sit and stew about either, because it is stuff that you cannot change. Stuff that already happened, cannot be changed, no matter how long and hard you think about it.
What you can do is use the information to makes sure that you never do those things again.
Which brings me to this weekend. I really, REALLY wanted to go out on Saturday night. Just dinner, nothing else. I needed/wanted some company. So, taking a deep breath, I made a call, and was politely turned down. The strange thing was the tone of her voice, like she was incredulous that I would even ask. Then, because I did not want to hear that tone of voice again, I texted someone and asked the same thing. Many hours later, the response was. "Thanks, but no".
Now, what I do not understand is that plenty of people tell me that I am a nice guy, and on a strictly "friend" basis, I seem to do okay interacting with people, as long as there is no kind of relationship thing.
I have wondered for a long time now why the big guy upstairs keeps me on the planet, because, by my accounting, I am done here. The kids are grown, and with no wife to "look after", it just seems like I am marching in place. And I HATE marching in place. But, every day I say "I am ready to go", both silently and out loud, and yet I am here. Still.
I find that my shyness works against me in asking girls/women out. That and the fact that I haven't done it (date) in more than 13 years (now, I did take my last wife out on dates while we are married, but I think that is a little different.), Times are different now. I also, "imagine" that my lack of experience with women hurts my chances with them.
I mean, how attractive is it when a guy says "Dated 2 different women, married both of them, never cheated, and divorced both women after 10 years". Then there is the fact they both walked out and left me with a pile of crap to work through. So, for Lee, the grand total of women he's been with ? "2".
Women my age are not about taking things slow, so, there is no such thing as a "fun date". (Tried that more times that I can count.....)
I end this now, because I do not know where it is going.
"Ready Now...."