Election Day 2016

So, today LIke I havedone for the past year and half I am watching a  news channel to see what people are doing about the next president.

I started the day with voting.....me and my son (who voted for the first time ever,,,,)arrived at the middle school where the polls are, and I "pulled the lever" for a straight republican ticket which means I voted for Donald Trump as president.........

I voted not so much "for DJT, I voted "against" HRC Because of her stance on the killings at Benghazi.....

I grew up in a military family, my dad was a career US Army, and I remember the pride that he and others around him had in the US. HJC told a senate sub-committee "what difference did it make that those men were killled.   That was my "i'm voting against you no matter what' moment.  Nothing in 18 months of campaigning changed that......do I like DJT ?  Not so much, I have said many times that he is a businessman, and nothing in governmentt is "business".

hang on, the ride is fixing to get wild.....


I love you

Namste

SeeYou on The Other side.....

The day i fell in love

So, because I have been writing stuff down, in an effort to recall everything that's happened for the past few years, I wanted to write about how I fell in Love with Freya
Most people know that I am in love with a stripper.  I am not ashamed of this, because she is them most loving kind, tender (Though, she might disagree with some of that.....she really is Beautiful, sexy, kind, and a great Mom.

 To retell this story we have to wind the clock back 3+ years, it's April and its Saturday morning the phone rings and its her....I answer the call and she tells me its her, and then asks me that infamous question that you love getting before 8:00 on a Saturday after a very full Adult Beverage Night "what are you doing..  Because it is not appropriate in those circumstances to say "thinking about you, I said "nothing".  She then we on to tell em the story about being in the local jail, and needing to be bailed out.  MY first thought, honestly, was to turn her down, because of my brother being hit by a drunk driver.....The, remembered that smile, and how she had lifted my spirits for the previous month, she had even given me, the old guy her actual phone number, and we texted nearly every day of the week...So I said I would.  She told me to call Kendall, because she had her stuff that she'd had on her, when arrested.

I got on the bike, and headed for Tomball, then stopped and called Kendall and left a message.  Then just sat down in the yard, and waited, and I called 3 more times, because Freya was in Jail and needed to be bailed out.   Next thing I know, the phone rings, and Kendall says she recognizes my voice and is on her way to me.  I told her I was in front of the bondsman's shop across the parking lot....

10 minutes later, a vehicle pulls up and out pops Kendall.  This was my first time to actually see her outside the club, and she walked up to me, in what I still think were pajamas, for a girl between 8 an 12They were light purple, and mostly see through, I remember thinking she was wearing some pretty underwear, because I could see it, she didn't seem self conscious, so, I tried to turn off my "Perv" mode, and just addressed the issue with Freya.  I have retold this part of the story before, but, this was when Kendall Grabbed me by the hand, looked me in the eye (all the way to my SOUL& lt; as I've said before), and said  Freya is my BEST FRIEND, you have to PROMISE that you will do everything you can to help her, I promised, and said to myself, now I am committed to doing everything I could......  I went in and spoke to the bondman, and signed the papers. and got the ball rolling.

 Many hours passed as I kept checking in, the bondsman had to drive 80+ miles to get into Houston to make the arrangements, finally she arrived back, I have literally been sitting in front of the jail all day...

 The bondsman told me to go sit a a picnic table in front of an unmarked door on the outside of the jail, because that is the door that she would be released from.  I sat on the bench,and waited.  The lady bondsman waved going in, and coming out.

 The next part of the story, will contain mushiness, which I am not  apologizing. for, I am writing this because I want to remember, and never forget......

 So, next thing I know, I heard a mettalic click, and I stood, and turned.....The next thing I know there is a human in my arms, with her arms wrapped around my head and my arms are around her waist, she is a tiny person, so it was  like holding a basket full of clean clothes.  (This is THE MOMENT!!!)  the way that she was wrapped around my head, my ear was actually on her chest, and realized I could very clearly hear her heart beating, and at first, it was going 180 or more beats a minutes, then she squeezed my head tightly, took a deep breathe, and I noticed, he heart slowed way down, then she kind of relaxed a little.....I then had to help her get her car from the impound yard...as a matter a fact she rode on the back of She (the motorcycle)with me, an to this day (July 2015), Freya is THE only person to ride with me. EVER.

Later I got home, and thought about the events of the day and I kept going back to that moment outside of the door, and hear her heartbeat......I finally decided that the way to describe it was from her perspective....She'd started the day in Jail, and called all the people in her "in case of emergency list", and not one called back and no one helped her, until she took a chance on the old guy, that she knew from the club....and for whatever reason, he had helped.....so you go from excited back to normal in the instant that they released her, and let her out.  I fell in love with her that day.

I never asked her about that moment, because I didn't want to retell the story, and have her angry about making up that whole scenario.... I finally told her a year later, out loud that I was in love with her, and she smiled that fabulous shy smile of hers, and said,, I know......I think everyone knew how I felt.....like it was written in black sharpie marker on my forehead.

The next year, I decided that Freya had used her "magic' to bind me to her, but when I asked her directly, and she told me it wasn't external magic, it just her own natural attraction.  I wake up and think about her ever single morning, after dreaming about her, so, natural attraction, its really good...  FREYA; I know I am not your type, and though,
 I do not know how I would handle it, But, saying all that, I Love you, and I would marry you anytime.....

Thanks for the great memories, and the sweetness you have bestowed upon me.


I Love you all.

Namaste.

See You On The Other Side.

Sometimes,itsthelittle things....

So, this morning, I did something I rarely do.  I gave some money to a homeless guy.....

The Back Story......

Had to use my "emergency gas cash" this morning, to put gas in She, because, well, it was my birthday last pay period, and I kind-of have a negative ten dollars in the checking account. (what can I say, I drank a few vodka's!)

 Anyway, I went back into to store to get my change, $4.30.  Not much in the grand scheme of things.   In front of me, there was a homeless looking dude.  He was trying to by a cinnamon roll and a milk.  

He was carefully counting change, and discovered that he was short.  He hurriedly checked his pockets, and finding nothing, slumped.  His entire body just showing the frustration.  He looked at the clerk, and with a shrug, said "sorry", and he walked out.

I looked down, and again noticed that it was three bucks of stuff..... as the clerk gave me my change, the voice in my head said, "give it to the dude".  By now he was outside the shop, so, I walked out and scanned the parking lot, sure enough, there he was walking across the field, I started walking towards him, calling out "Hey, Dude".

He stopped and turned as I caught up.  I handed him the $4.30, and simply said, "go back and get yourself something to eat".

I immediately turned walked back to She, and started putting my helmet on.  As I was putting on my gloves the guy walks back up to the shop, but turns and says "You Da Man, Thank You!".  Then he said this is the first food I have had in 2 days.

Of course, I do not know if that was hyperbole, but., my silent thought in response was "we spend all this money, in this country to do things I do not approve of, and not just stupid things, but big things like landing a vehicle on Mars.....

And yet, this guy, and millions like him, and little children, and Mom's, all go hungry, still.

The Bible talks about taking care taking care of the widows and orphans, as well as the infirm......


Anyway, I haven't seen joy like I saw this morning to a guy that was going to be able to eat a cinnamon roll, and a small bottle of milk.  and according to him, first food in 2 days.  Kind of made my day.

I know the way Facebook works, and most will not have read to here..... but, I have to say, my will to live got a boost today......

See You On The Other Side

Namaste

I Love You All

Your inspirational thoughts/post of the day.


Go out and do what makes you happy.  Only speak to people that uplift you. 

If you have to speak to unpleasant people, remember, speak to them the way you want to be spoken to, do not lower yourself to their level.

Tell the people that you love, that you love them.
Tell the people that you admire, and want to be like, that you admire them, and want to be like them (they may need to hear it, you never know where they are in their journey)

Tell your friends, the truth.  Tell your acquaintance's the truth.

Do not, yearn for the "good old days", that is the immutable/unchangeable past. 

Live in the moment, right now, cause that's all you have.  Strive towards a goal, AND remember, the new present (remember, live in the right now, well that was 30 seconds ago) might alter your goal slightly, but, never stop pushing forward.

Thanksgiving is great time of the year to be thankful;, but only give that a moment.  Then start pushing forward.

This past weekend, I watched, again, "I Love You Beth Cooper".  I love that the guy in that movie put it all out there, when as part of his Valedictorian speech proclaimed his love for the girl that did not know he existed, because he knew if he let that moment pass, he would never get that opportunity.

Sometimes, you just have to try, and if you fail, you will know in your heart that you did everything you could.

Spoken a different way, a line from the movie/book "Lone Survivor".


"you are never out of the fight.,"


And if you are still reading.  I Love you Beth Cooper.  :)

Have to go away

These words are hard to write.

But, this is the only place that I can write them, where I know that no one will bother me about them.

I woke up this morning, with the un-alterable feeling that  I wan to go away.

Not a vacation, not, move to a new place.

But go away.   I saw Freya last night.  My heart soared.  I realized that I was smiling, really for the first time in so very long.

We actually had a nice conversation.  Then, it was closing time, and she got up, and went home.

I doubt that I will see her again.  I am sad about it.  But, I cannot change it.

I realized this week (or perhaps the week before, been a tough couple of weeks), well, realized isn't the right word.  I remembered why I started going to the bar to begin with.

I was alone.  4+ years of being seperated/divorced.  I had made 4 or 5 trips to see Prinzzess dance.

I was alone, and didn't want to be alone, but did not know how to start over.  Then I realized I didn't want to start over.

Started going to Splndr, because, well alcohol, and the scenery was nice.  I could look at a pretty girl, but, innately I knew that I would never have a chance with any of them.  And I kind of hoped that the alcohol would help me die quicker.  Wouldn't you know it, I just built up an immunity to the stuff, and three years later, I am still walking/talking/riding.

Sure, I made friends, Amber, my favorite bartender, though, no longer a bartender.  She is off in the big scary world, pushing towards her dream of her own company.  Becky, my favorite bartender.  Interestingly, a few girls along the way.  Tracy, who I call my best friend.  Of course the girls I call the three musketeers, because, I met them all around the same time, and they are all friends.  Lissa, Mary, and Connie.  Cannot leave out Krissie.  Though she is gone now, trying to start over her life at 38, because the father of her children, and hisband nearly beat her to death.  Some of that is on me.  Some is on him.

But, along the wayside, I have left a few along the side of the road.  Sunshine (She laughed at me), Heidi (Won't date me anymore, because of my thing for Freya), Allison (never really tried to do anyting with her, I wasn't her type, but, she thought I was a good guy), and Sue, to name a few.

But, in 2 weeks of renewed asking the "why" question to God, and once again, not receiving any kind of answer at all, I am back in a deep hole of regret, and remorse.

Haven't even spoken about Rebekah here.....That entire fiasco is a year old now.  I would like to think that it must be easier for her now that all this time has passed.  But, I really wish that things could have been a little different....

So, here I am, on a Saturday, with a heavy heart, and wondering what's next.

is my worse fear ever going to come to be.  I am going to live a long life, all alone.

Please God no.   I am tired of being the morality tale.  Take me now.


I Love You All.

Namaste.....

SeeYouOnTheOtherSide



Oh, I nearly didn't write the words that are hard to write.

I Want To Die.

Thanksgiving 2013

I am thankful for the past year. The friends that I made. The people that I met, and learning about the old things that I knew from before, that I forgot, or suppressed.

I am thankful for the few people that stuck their necks out and showed me that things didn't have to be dark, and lonely.

I am thankful for the three separate ladies that, though they did it from different vectors who all taught me a valuable life experience.

All things happen for a purpose. But its not the thing that happens to you, that defines you, but, what you do on the other side.

Now you know why I close nearly every blog post, and say it on Twitter so much, "See You On The Other Side.

 

 

 

I Love You All

 

Namaste, My Friends.

 

See You In The Other Side.  Look for me at the gate.  I'll Have the sign.

25 OCT 2013 - For the record. So, we don't forget. - I can't do this sober

 Friday Night - Otherwise Known as Adult Beverage Night.

 Admittedly, this is an "event" of my own making.   But, it continues, a year later, Always on Friday, and always at my favorite place.


 This one began like many others.  I was a "little" early this night.  I went right after 7, instead of leaving home right after 8.  I thought I might get something from the buffet.  Turns out, they have the chicken strips that I normally have to buy, on the free buffet.  You can bet, I put my pig nose on, and killed myself eating them, and their excellent mashed potatoes.

 So, I order my first drink, and then quickly behind it, the second.  Why so quick.  The first drink is like drinking water for me.  There is no feeling change.  The second drink however, I finally taste the vodka.

 So, I am sitting there, and Becky comes by, and we do the "here is my debit card, and DL, please set up a tab so I can buy more drinks later" task.  Becky tells me that Sunshine is in the house, but she hadn't seen Tori.  I told her that I hadn't seen "SheWhoMustNotBeNamed", but, figured she was on her way, because her "Mr Friday Night" regular was there, sitting one table over, as usual.  She asked me about Kendall, I told her what little bit I had gotten from her via FB that week, and then Becky asked me about Sienna.  I told her that I hadn't heard from her in a long time. (Editor's Note: We had not seen her in 3 weeks, and she hadn't replied to a text from us in about the same amount of time.)  I knew that she had a new boyfriend, and that he was none to happy that I was friends with her, every since I sent the Edible Arrangement basket earlier in the month.  I also told her that it had been 3 weeks since I had seen her in Splendor.  I figured she might be going somewhere else.....I told Becky that I was missing my friend Sienna.

 Becky nods, and moves off to help the others get their drink on.....

 I presently ordered another drink......Sunshine came by, and sat with me for a few minutes, and I bought her a drink.   Then, her regular was there, and she was off.  I would not see her again that night.  Suddenly, THERE WAS SIENNA!   Standing in front of me, in street clothes.  She was just getting there.  We exchanged pleasantries, and looking around, she asked me if I had seen "SheWhoMustNotBeNamed", I told her no, but her regular was right next to us at the next table, so I figured she was coming....Sienna said that she had tried to call her, but, she hadn't heard from her.  (Editor's Note:  It was during this conversation that we found out that she had to change her number because of us sending text messages, well, not just me, but, other customers, and people she knew from dancing, and that her boyfriend was unhappy about it.  I think that is now 2 girls that have changed their number so that I couldn't text them anymore.  Perhaps we are "bad".)

 Then she said she had to go get ready, and she'd be back.   I sat there quietly for a few minutes, just reading twitter, and playing words with friends.  Pretty soon, Sienna is back, and its like old times again (or as I put in FB, like Forrest Gump said, it was like Peas and Carrots. (I dare you not to say that using his accent!).  We talked about school, and the kids, and the new boyfriend.  While this happened, "SheWhoMustNotBeNamed" appeared, and spoke to Sienna for a few seconds, and then moved to her regular Friday night guy. (Editor's Note:  For the first time in months, our heart did not skip a beat when she came over, and though we didn't speak, she also did not give me that "mad/disgusted" look that we have become so familiar with either!)  Sienna also did her first dance on the main stage that night, and I tipped her on stage, as is my normal custom.  Sienna came back to the table and she had a couple of her drinks, Tequila, Rum, and Pineapple Juice.

 In the course of the conversation that followed, she had four.  In probably forty-five minutes to an hour.   I noticed, two things about the same time.  First, she was spending way more time hanging out with me than she normally did, and that "wow, was that the fourth drink".  Then, I noticed that she was a little hammered.  Hmm, I think to myself, she is going to have a tough evening getting dances, if she is hammered.

 At some point, I think during the part of the conversation where we were talking about how much school she had left, and when she would complete her degree, she expressed to me, like Sunshine, Tori, and Dynasty earlier in the week had, that she REALLY wanted to stop dancing.  I think her boyfriend also wanted her to quit.  As I have said before.  He is very jealous.  Also, she hates it (dancing).  Oh, don't get me wrong.  The girl is good at it, and makes money at it, but, just because you are good at a job doesn't mean you like the work.  Been There, Done That.

 So, about the time she finished the fourth drink, she is kind of hunched over in her chair, mumbling, and talking, laughing, and whatever.

 By now, I had already had my fifth drink, and since I was on the bike, had decided that I was not drinking anymore, and would be leaving around 11:30 or so.  (Editor's Note: Or, about 3 hours from then!).  I finally asked her why she had drank so much, so quickly, and she responded, with her face down, "I can't do this job sober."

 It stopped me.  I often joke about things like that.  Certainly about relaxing and being able to talk to people at the club, because otherwise I am too shy and too uptight to be able to relax in a large open space like that with people in close proximity to me, and each other....

 Soon, she said, "I think I am going to go throw up". I asked a friend of her's that had joined us at some point, if she wouldn't mind walking back there with her, since she was a little impaired.  The friend agreed, and off they went.  I figured they would be gone 10 minutes, so, I ordered my last drink.  I was sipping it, talking to Becky, when I saw Sienna coming right back.  in less that 5 minutes.  Shoot, most of the time, a girl can't go pee and be back in less than 5 minutes!  When she sat down the friend left, and I asked Sienna  if she was okay, and she said she was.  Then I asked if she had thrown up, and she she "yup".  OKAY.

 So, now she has maneuvered her chair over next time to mine in such a way, that she was sitting with her head was on my should/upper arm.  She was mostly dozing, but, we were sort of talking about stuff.  it was during this time that she started talking about a paper that she had written about a mineral called Gearksutite (Editor's Note:  The spelling warning says that is not a word, but we assure you that it is!) It is pronounced like GEAR-KA-SITE, (We Think!).  She talked to me for nearly 15 minutes about this mineral, where it is found, and what it's chemical composition was.  She knew the subject well, because even hammered, she was like a human version of wikipedia.  Which is a great compliment.  Now, I may not look like it, but, I am a big ol' science nerd, and this was cool.  (Editor's Note:  We sent her an email on Monday, asking for a copy of the paper, and she sent it to us.  We have to admit, there were parts where We had to Google some words, and wiki some topics (Refracitity?  Is that a thing?), but we were able to keep up, and in the end, thought the paper was good.)

 But, towards the end she kind of fizzled out, and started looking around.  The friend that I had asked to help her to the bathroom a while earlier was dancing on the number two stage, which is right near where we were sitting, and Sienna asks me if I have a couple of dollars so that she can tip her on stage.  I was out of ones, because I had given all the ones that I had to her (Sienna) when she danced earlier.  I told her that all I had left was a twenty dollar bill, and that I was saving it for when "SheWhoMustNotBeNamed" dances.   Sienna SNATCHES the bill out of my hand and says NO.  Then, says it again, "NO" a little louder.  I said, well she is getting ready to dance, I had just heard her name, and it is the only time that I really can "speak" to her, even though the the truth is, If I speak, she doesn't respond back.  Sienna says no, I won't let you tip her.  She doesn't deserve it.  I was like "really?", and she said no.  Then she said something that I swear sounded like "you deserve better".   That stopped me.  I told Sienna to go get it broken into ones, and have fun.

 Then, I sat and watched while Sienna tipped her friend, and talked and laughed, and looked like she was having fun.  Meanwhile, I sat and contemplated what she had said to me about "SheWhoMustNotBeNamed".  I have to say, it kind of blew my mind a bit.  Still a little shocking remembering her saying that, nearly a week later.

 Will allow that to roll around in the "think about it" room for a while.

 Soon. Sienna is back, and the little bit of activity has done her in, and she basically leans on my shoulder, and passes out.  I am sure that looking at me, it appeared that he had her head in my lap.  I was kind of trapped, but, at the same time, I knew that she was trusting me, and so I just sat there.  Soon, a manager, indicated to Becky that we needed to get her off the main floor.

 I had offered to drive her home, but, she was like, No, I need to make money.  Plus, her guy was at her house, and it would be awkward for me to drive up in her car.

 So, I did the next best thing.  I moved her into a dark corner, reserved for the girls giving "table" dances.  Becky helped me move, and I carried Sienna to the chair, where we would sit for the next 1.5, maybe 2 hours.  As soon as we got into the darker part of the room, she was really out.  No talking, mumbling, nothing.  she just slept.  I sat there, holding her up, but, of course, it probably still looked like she had her head in my lap!   (Editor's Note:  We kept thinking that it had been a long time since any girl had trusted us enough to relax like that.)

 Finally she started to stir, and I had ordered some chicken strips, and fries, and she scarfed those down, and drank about 3 glasses of water, all while we were talking about the rest of her night, and whether "SheWhoMustNotBeNamed" was still there, and some other stuff.  Then she heard her name from the DJ, stating that she would be dancing soon.  I warned her that she might need to go and run a brush through her hair, and she sort of woke up, and was like (after flipping her hair back and forth a couple of times) "Hell No.  This shit is hot!"   (Editor's Note:  We have to admit it was.  It had kind of a "just had sex" look....)  Then Mr Dj makes that call, and Sienna jumps up, and a little unsteadily, makes her way to the stage.

 Instead of walking in the back, and then coming through the door at the back of the stage, or walking up the little stairs on the left side, she just walks up, puts her head down, and does a somersault onto the stage.  Did we mention that was wearing the cutest little "maid's outfit", with a black bra with white fringe, White, Satin panties, and a little sheer lace "skirt"?  I don't think so.....

 With the aforementioned hair,  she was a sight to behold....   And not since the last time I saw Prinzzess feature dance, have I seen anyone dance with the abandon that she had at that moment.  Whirling and spinning, and smiling.  She was all about her at those moments.  THEN, you guessed it, the fellows in the club noticed.  There were 4-6 people there the entire time she danced.  It was great to see.

 She looked beautiful.  She exuded sexuality, and confidence, that was impossible to miss.  Frankly, she "glowed" from the inside.  Somehow I knew that she was going to be alright.

 Soon enough, she was done, and I had already told her I was worried that she was too drunk to drive, and that I would take her home later.   After the dance, she came by the table, and thanked me, again, for watching out for her, and then said she really needed to work.  She asked me if I was going to stay, and I told her that I would to make sure that she could drive home.   I still think she was too drunk at that point.

 She then moved on, and other than a brief glimpse, from time to time, as she walked folks for their dance, we didn't speak the rest of the night.  I think it was bout 2.5 hours later before last call.  As she was going to the dressing room, she stopped by, and asked if I was waiting, and I said yes.

 About 30 minutes later, here she comes, in her regular clothes, and her hair was brushed, and she assured me that she was okay.  I asked her to email me when she go home, because I was a little worried still, then I hugged her, and then Becky, and off I went.

 I arrived home and 15 minutes later, got the email from her.  She was home, and all was well.


I wanted to write this, because, as always, I didn't want to forget.  It was a great night.  I am glad that Sienna is a friend, and that for a little while she trusted me to take care of her.


Namaste, My Friends.

I Love You All.

See You On The Other Side.  First two rounds are free.  Look for me, I'll have a sign, right past the Gate.