I think in that same post, I admitted that this person is quite a bit younger than me, and breaks my rule of "half your age plus seven years" rule.
But, I figured no guts, no glory, right?
So, I started paying attention to how this person responded around me, to see if the attraction that I was feeling, was "all me" or mutual (or something in between).
The girl is a tough read. Sometimes I feel/felt that it was mutual and other times, she would pull off the "I'm just stringing you along" act.
So finally, about a month ago (maybe 6 weeks), I finally said the words, "I really like you". and followed it up with, something along the lines of "...and let's see if there is something there..."
I was met with a blank expression, and after what seemed like a minute, but was probably 5 seconds, she said "Oh", and then got up, and walked, Quickly, away from me.
That next week were interesting, because her texting me was reduced from a couple times a day, to, maybe 2 times a week. The next two times that I saw her in person, she sat with a group of her friends, and talked as part of the group, but, not really to me. Then, would get up and leave.
It was tough for me, as I was conflicted. I mentioned to some other friends, who know her, that I had wanted it to be like so many romantic comedies, where at the end of the movie, the guy crawls/runs whatever into the church or wherever, sinks to his knees, and professes that he had always loved the girl, and that he wanted to spend the rest of their lives together.....then the music would play.....
Except, for me, there was an "Oh", and nothing sense. A guy friend of mine said that I needed to "clear the "stuff" up", and ask what "oh" meant. So, I asked a few friends that were girls, and was told, nearly to a person that the girl in question is complicated, and two described her as a "mess", with lots of trust issues. But they all said that asking what it meant was probably a good thing.
Now, three weeks have gone by since my initial conversation with her, and sitting with her, just asked "What did that "oh" mean?" question. I tried to clean it up a little and tell her that it was hard for me to admit that, to her, because of some past history that I had, and so, I was taken aback by the response, and nothing since then.
Then, I shut up, and waited for an answer. Finally, after looking down for a minute, she looked right at me, and said "I don't know how I felt then, and I still don't today" Then told me that my admission had taken her by surprise, because she knows about my rules, and how that being with her will break 3 or the top 5 of them.
Then, she got up, smiled, and sashayed right across the place, and into the back.
The next week, she came around, and we talked like the old days, before the admission, but, for me, there was this huge elephant in the room. And while I love elephants, this one was stepping right on my foot.
So, this past Friday, I was in my place, where I always sit, and here she comes. She had told me earlier that her friends that she rides to the bar with, were playing dress up with her as the human barbie. Getting there, I see her, right away. Like she was standing in the front when I came in to pay my cover charge.
She was beautiful. Like always, but, tonight, I could tell they had really gone all out on her makeup, her hair was smooth, shiny, and straight.
Tonight for the first time in the previous 5-6 weeks, she seemed to have something on her mind, but, she had decided this would be a good time to sit an listen, while I, frankly, babbled like a loon.
Finally, I realized that she wasn't talking, and called her out. She said that she favored that kind of conversation, so she could listen and learn. I told her that would be fine, IF SHE TALKED.
So, after a while, she got up, and off she went to do her thing. Like I said, I had arrived early because I wanted to get the buffet food (which turned out to be a bad night for the buffet, but, its free for paying your cover, so, no harm no foul). a couple of hours later, she came by for a few minutes, and we talked about stuff, mostly that It did not appear that I was drinking too much (I wasn't, but it surprised me that she noticed, I mean, we are at a bar for goodness sake), and commented that she liked talking to me better when I wasn't drinking.
So, after this, the bar got very busy, and a couple of my friends came in, and we were sitting there talking, and drinking, and you know, enjoying life.
My friends got up to go to the bathroom, leaving me sitting for the first time nearly all night, by myself.
I was sitting there, finishing my drink, and calculating when I might be able to leave, based on how many drinks I'd had, and so forth, when I heard my name. I looked around, and there she was again, this time, in the corner, and gesturing for me to come to where she was. I was perplexed, because I was sitting at the table by myself, and did not understand why I need to get up.
But, I got up, gathered the phone, and put napkins over my drink, so that the "let's ruffie the old guy" thing doesn't happen again, and walked over.
She had me sit down, and then sitting next to me, she told me that next weekend her kids were with their Dad, and she wanted to go out. It was either real loud, or she was real quiet, but, even though I had heard every word, I still blurted out, "what", and she repeated it.
Apparently, I have a date, this weekend.
.......The dog has chased the car, and caught it.......
.....Now What?
I haven't done the date thing in a really long time, and am scared. Plus, the girl, scares me. She has no business going out with me..... I'm an old guy, and she is younger and hotter....
But, after this, I numbly went back to my table, and as soon as I did, the two friends of hers that had played dress up with her earlier, made a beeline to me, and sitting on either side asked me a lot of questions. I realized that She had spoken to them, about me, and they were "checking me out", to be sure that I understood what a risk that she was taking, because there have been a lot of problems in her life....
It's good (great!) to have friends that give a crap about you.
So, now, I have to figure out something to do on this date. Oh, god, I suck at planning.
I Love You All.
Namaste, my friends.
See You On The Other Side.
P.S. Back inthe day, I used to play a TON of Caesar 3. Whenever the enemy army started getting close to the farmers land, the farmers would say "nervous", but, it came out like "neeerrrrrvous"