So, in my Twitter feed, the organization known as To Write Love On Her Arms, (TWLOHA from now on), posted this Tweet:
“‘Suicide affects us all, and the burden and responsibility for preventing suicide is shared by all.’” wrt.lv/Au9Yyt
To which I replied, in a two-part reply because of the 140 character limit by Twitter:
@TWLOHA disagree - You cannot stop someone that want to harm themselves, and it is not healthy to make yourself responsible for them.
@TWLOHA If they need help, and request your help, that is different. Because people that ask for help, don't really want to harm themselves.
And so, that's what this post is about. Taking the responsibility for someone to prevent them from committing suicide.
I, most of the time, agree with TWOLHA, and their mission to get help for people who are suffering from depression, self-inflicted injury, and suicidal thoughts.
But on this soap box I stand and proclaim, "IF YOU TAKE ON THE RESPONSIBILITY OF SOMEONE WITH SUICIDAL THOUGHTS, AND THEY STILL COMMIT THE ACT OF SUICIDE, WHERE DOES THAT LEAVE YOU?"
Being responsible for them, even if you only take that on yourself, sets YOU up for depression, guilt, and backlash because you could not/did not prevent them from killing themselves.
Recently, where I work, a young man, committed this act. Before he did, none of us here saw, or knew that he was having problems. He was happily married, and had a wonderful 15 year old son. By all accounts, he loved, and adored his wife, and he and his son were very close.
As far as we know, he did not leave any explanation. He just killed himself.
Now, there are many folks that stand around and wonder if we missed something in his mannerisms or talking, and those same people then say, while ringing their hands, "what could we have done?".
My answer, though not very popular, was nothing. He did not reach out to anyone here at work, and since there was no final letter of explanation, I will bet he didn't reach out to his family. This is a guy that was totally in love with his wife, and son. He spent a lot of time with them both on the weekends, as we all heard about the following Monday's upon his return.
But, things came to a head, and he killed himself.
While I would never say it out loud to these folks, I believe that it is foolish for us to try and blame ourselves, or ask for forgiveness for not "seeing" the problem and helping with it.
What's the answer? I do not know. This is what _I_ am going to do, which is the same thing that I have done in the past. If someone reaches out to me, I am going to help. If I see someone that I feel like I can help, I will reach out. It is then, on THEM, to accept the help I am offering. If they do not take it, I cannot do anymore.
But, if it happens again that someone I know takes their own life, and I knew nothing about it, I will do as I do for everyone that I know, that passes away. I will stop for a moment in time, put my hand to my forehead, and say "Goodby" followed by their name. They are in God's hands now.
"Goodbye Krys" You are missed.
Namaste, My Friends.
See You On The Other Side.