So, late last year, I took on a project for a friend that was developing a piece of real estate, and wanted me to create a web site for him.
I had done a very simple, one page, and mostly from a template that I purchased from some site on the web, for the parent company, and they felt like I was the right person to do the one for the actual construction project.
I tried, I really did, to say no. I did say no. Three times I said no. I feel like you need to be creative first, and technical second to build/maintain a website. Finally, on the third meeting, after having saying No for he third time, I finally said that I would try. Doug was/is my friend, and I felt buoyed by the fact that he had a lot of faith that I could pull it off. Plus, if I did, it would be MUCH cheaper than if he went to a regular web designer.
So, following the path with the company site, I found a template that mostly worked, that I felt like could modify/make enough changes to it to make the folks happy.
Months passed while I was working on it. There were a lot of meetings, and a lot of changes that I made, after having the folks look at it.
Finally, in late November, I had a meeting, and we reviewed what I had created, and settled on the final versions of pictures, and placement and so forth. But towards the end of the meeting, Doug said that a marketing company was in the picture, and that they had created a brochure without charge to him, and that when he got the final version, they would want me to make some "minor changes" to the web site so that it mirrored the brochure. Apparently the marketing company had been given direct access to the web page I was building, and had "developed" their brochure from that.
I agreed to that. Then the last week of November, I got the brochure.
It was totally different. Not just the text, but the colours and the graphics. And Graphics is the big bugaboo for me. I am not Photoshop literate, and struggle to do even simple things. I think that this is because I have this mental block that says "Your not creative", and so, I stumbled about and struggled.
That was on Friday, and Doug said he really wanted to "Go Live" on Monday, that he didn't think it that big a deal to make the "few" changes that needed to be made.
So that weekend, 48 hours long, all I did was work on the web site. Twenty hours all told, but, really close to 30. I have never thought that I could charge Doug for learning how to do the stuff needed to create the web site, so, I never did. Late Sunday night, I made the last of the changes, including, re-doing 9 different images so they "fit" into their spot on the web page. I sent the email to Doug telling him to check it out, and that we could make it go live on Monday night, because, while not hard, there were several "little" things that needed to be tweaked once the pages were renamed, and the like.
Monday went by, and no word from Doug and crew. Late Monday, I called Doug and he said they hadn't looked at it, and I asked if they still wanted it live by Tuesday morning, and he said yes, and I reiterated that he needed to look at it, and give the final okay, so I could do it Monday night from home.
Get up Tuesday morning, and no email, nothing. Leaving for work, my phone went off, and it was Doug, but I was already in my helmet and so, I just let it go to voice mail. Arriving at the office, I find that there are 5 messages, all asking me to call, because there are a few minor changes, and they HAD to go live THIS MORNING. Now, I had already explained to them, that I could not easily make changes, or, even make the site go live from work, because I sit in an open cube, and I have nosey cube-neighors.
But, as I am soft-spined sometimes, I allowed Doug to talk me into remoting into the computer at home, and making the changes, and then doing the stuff to make it go live. All within 30 minutes of me walking into the office, and all while people were milling around outside my cube.
While making the changes, Doug started going too fast, asking for changes, and other chit chat, and then he said, "after this, if you feel the need, you can submit an invoice". I was thunderstruck. I had literally worked an entire weekend, and was putting my real live day job in jeopardy to make the site live, and he makes out like perhaps I didn't need the money. So, at that point, I said wait, not so much to correct him on the fact that I WAS going to charge him for my work, but, because that few moments of being distracted, I had fallen behind on the changes, and the tasks that I was working on....
Then, he really blew my mind, and he said "Lee, Sometimes you are just too M______F______ sensitive for your own good."
This made me mad, but, in an effort to be professional, I completed my tasks, and the web site went live. I hung up. I was mad.
And I hung onto that anger for 6 months, until yesterday.
As an aside, I told a friend this past week, as we were talking about the 5 stages of grief, and we were talking about anger, and I said that being angry was not sustainable, because it is an all-engrossing, all-senses, all everything emotion. That holding on to anger can make you physically ill. While talking about that, I was reminded that I still had the "Doug Thing" hanging over me. There was even still the matter of the final invoice that I have yet to submit.
Serendipitously, I received an email from Doug, who, because we are friends knew that my 6 months of silence meant something was wrong, asking me to contact him. So, Friday morning, I sent an email, and asked if it would be okay to come by. He said yes.
So, when I got there, I did a "catch up" for some of the events of the past few months, and then, because we were sitting in an open area, I asked if we could go to the conference room, and speak privately, to which he agreed.
So, because he was/is my friend, I didn't hold back, and we had a frank conversation about why I was angry, and why I had spoken about it for 6 months.
It was a good conversation, and he apologized. I realized later that the old saying of "it's easier to apologize than it is to ask permission" factoid probably came into play, because he pushed me to get what he wanted, and then apologized later when confronted by the fact that he had angered me.
But, having said that, I am okay with his apology, and the fact that the incident is settled.
Moral of the story. There Isn't One. Life Is A Box Of Chocolates.
Shalom.
Namaste, My Friends.
See You On The Other Side.