Many times as parents, we get to see things in our kids that makes your heart slow, and that catch in your throat forms, as if something has just sucked all the moisture out of you body at that moment. Sometimes, we get to see it for special occasions, and sometimes, it is in just the ordinary things that they do.
Many times in Bubba's life, I have been witness to things that he did that made me proud, the public ones, like perhaps when he competed in the local/regional Karate tournaments and he won First Place in Kata, and again, when he took on all comers in his age class, and won at Sparring, and, later, when he was in marching band at school, and on the field stepping those march steps that seemed so difficult and and yet, making it appear to be so simple. Or other times when at those same football games, and I would watch him transition into the equipment/load captain, and would rally 90 kids to get their instruments to the truck while he and his crew loaded everything at the stadium, then, unloaded, and put everything up, and so that the teacher would be prepared for class the next day.
All of those times, I felt pride, because I thought that I had something to do with what I was seeing. How vain/prideful of me. Those things that I witnessed all came about because HE decided that he was going to do those things.
Having said all that, I went to the movies today. At the same place that Bubba works for his part-time job. He wasn't there when I went in, but was there when I came out.
I thought that I would pop over, and speak to him, and maybe do the "fist bump" thing.
However, when I came out of the theatre, the crowd lined up at concessions was pretty crazy. So, I stood and people watched, and Bubba watched. Then, finally, I sat down, and really began to watch.
This job that he has at the movie house is a crappy, minimum wage job, with horrible working conditions, and you are face to face with the public, 100% of the time. But, while I was watching, I became astounded at how he handled the job. While I can't say that he smiled while working, he did do something that caused my admiration to go up. He never stopped paying attention to the person that was in front of him. He never participated in the "grab ass" conversation that other employees were engaged in, while he was working. He even took the time to help some that were having problems with some equipment.
I am not sure that he knew I was there, and watching, but, I do not think that he was aware.
There is a poem, that I had to memorize for school years ago, that has developed into kind of a mantra for me:
Once a task, Is once begun,
Never leave it, 'till it's Done,
Be the labor, Great or Small,
Do it well, Or Not At All.
While the kids, and indeed, many who know me, know that this is how I live my own life, and do my work, I have never attempted to "foist" it on any of the kids/family.
But, I think, today, I saw the next generation of that in what I saw in Bubba's work. And, in a very cool moment, I was so proud of my Son.
Many times, as a parent, I lost sleep over whether I was doing the right thing, by my children, or if I was screwing them up beyond all redemption. I remember all the tough times after the kids came to live at my house, and the turmoil that the "getting to know you" period caused. I remember when I was so angry about situations, and my inability to control it.
And, yet, here we are on the other side, and I realized that as I sat and watched him, that maybe I had influenced him, and helped him to become the person that he is......
Here's to you Bubba. As your Dad, I am proud of you. As a fellow Human, I am glad that you are making your way through this mess, we call life.
On This Mother's day, I would like to think that Granny and Mimi are looking down and smiling.
Shalom.
Namaste, My Friends.
See You On The Other Side.