Five Years - I drew the line in the sand - And I have passed it.

(Editor's Note : For the people that read my blogs, this is more than likely one that should be avoided.  We will be writing in the third person, or, as we like to call it, "Editor's Note:"   There is nothing here, and in fact, I am probably not going to hit PUBLISH on this one, but, if you are reading this, I did.)

(Lee - You write these to remember - This is the last time we are going to remember this, before locking this stuff up in a room of their own, behind a triple locked door, and then to be sure, walling-off this end of the hall forever - Don't Read it.)



From The Desk of The Editor: 

We are writing this on the 18th of  April 2013.  Tomorrow, the 19th is the day, five years ago when your life was ripped apart.  The day that 3 years ago today, you first thought the thought, that if I can make it to five years separated, then I am sure the hurt, and the pain, the betrayal, and loss of friendship.  Not to mention the self-loathing that we felt, will disappear as well.

It didn't work.

I still hate myself.  We hate that my vision for my waning years on the planet was ripped away.  I still feel the hurt, the deep pain in inside.....well, that is still there...

Review this You Tube Video.  It is the best visual for this feeling.  Who's Going To Save My Soul Now?

A year ago, we remember writing that we had another year to get to 5 years since that aweful day when she left.  I was more than half way there.  A goal to be worked towards, and most importantly, an attainable goal.


We are happy that the day has arrived.  We are not happy about why we are here.

The LAST retelling of that terrible week's timeline:

• April 19 - Buy the red Scion XD so that Bekah can drive to school across town.  First inkling that "something" was wrong.
• April 20th - While driving to church on Sunday morning, I asked Jeannette about the weird vibe that I had received the day before.  As we turn into the parking lot of the church, she drops the bomb on me.  "I am thinking about leaving you."
• April 21st. - We go to the Jimmy Buffet concert in the Woodlands, paid for by her boss.  All the ATS employees were there.
• April 22nd. - Last time we ever had sex with Jeannette, and up to now, the last time ever.
• April 25, 2008 - Good Friday - She came home from work, packed a bag, and left.
• June 2008 - Jeannette is taking Mike to family gatherings in Louisiana.
• July 2008 - Jeannette sends out email to entire family, stating that she left us in April.
• December 22, 2008 - Divorce is final - Next day she leaves for West Texas with guy she has been staying with after moving out of apartment.
• .........

In the Bible, particularly in the book of Psalms, you will occasionally find the word "SELAH".   It means, stop, meditate on the previous truth.  So;

[Selah]


We welcome you back.

Now, we work on the healing from that:

• The past, cannot be changed.
• The pain does not go away, nor is it diminished much.
• We will always love Jeannette.  Unlike the first wife, that we hold no affection for at all any longer, Jeannette is the one that is our Everest.   We made it to the summit.  There is no other view quite like that.  
• Building on the previous thought, we realize that this is bad if we ever want to date/be with someone again.  We have to stop comparing her to everyone else, because while she is our Everest, she left us.  She Left Us.  She Left Us.  Time to figure out if I can push her, and the pedestal that I have placed her on, into that same room that is being walled off as we write.
• No one will ever be "like" she was.  You will not find anyone that is anything like her.  Saying that, need to reevaluate whether that is something you want going forward.

One thing that I do know is that if I wish to  date/be with, I need to find folks that are age appropriate and stop sticking my toe in the kiddie pool of available girls.  Or, barring that, if there IS someone in that pool, the embrace those feelings, and figure out how to make it work.

But, and here is another SELAH moment:

Are We sure that dating is even smart?  Do we risk the rest of the proverbial heart on another that might just use it, and throw it away, again?  It should be obvious after more than 1000 days of praying "let today be the last day" that God is using me as a morality tale, of what not to do.  Because I still have no purpose here on the planet.

[Selah]


Conclusion.

You Made it dude.  FIVE FREAKING YEARS.


Now, Let's Be Careful out there.

Remember God doesn't give life to the the dead, only the living.  So, if you waste it, it's all on you.


Editor's Note : Well, I admit this is shorter than I thought it would be.   Half way through writing it, I "lost my train of thought", Then took a deep breath, and then relaxed.  Perhaps this is the peace I have been craving for a bit.


Namaste My Friends.

See You On The Other Side.  (First two rounds on me, HOUSE BRANDS ONLY)  (I'm a cheap bastard)




And a toast to close this chapter:

        May Your Life Be Full and Rich,
        May all your Desires be filled to the brim,
        May Life Everlasting be the goal,
        And, when you get to your heavenly rewards, may you slide in,
                 with nothing on a left on your list
       


We only have one life.  No one escapes death.  Don't waste yours on pettiness, and things you cannot change.



:)