So this morning, I had an IM conversation with a friend. A, "In Real Life" friend. We know each other friend.
He told me that he thought I needed to examine my obsession of "My Friend That Dances", because in his opinion, stated bluntly "I know that you know, that those type of women live off of men".
Of course I understood that! But, I have to tell you that I have a slow burn going on now. I even "invented" my own Hashtag for when I post about Prinzzess on Twitter, #MRPOKNB (#MyREALPrinzzessObsessionKnowsNoBounds)!
I do not understand why he felt the need to say it, like I was some kind of simpleton or something. I am not. In fact, I have recognized since the first moment that I stepped on the airplane to go to Tampa to see her that I was obsessing, and upon realizing that, was able to "ground myself" in the fact that was close to a line that I did not want to be near.
I have written here previously that I understand that this is not ever going to be anything other than a friendship. And I have written that I do not know if we will ever be "best of friends".
I do know what I am. A Fan. Which is short for Fanatic. I like her. She has many qualities that I admire in people, and she is smart. The fact that she is drop-dead, Atomic-Fire Hot, is a bonus, a cherry on the top, if you will.
Will I ever be invited to her home, and treated like "that" kind of friend. Perhaps Not (Likely not), but, that doesn't mean that she cannot be my friend like Jen from work is my friend.
As to the "that type of woman that lives off men", well, yes, but there has always been, and will always be, people that "live off of someone else" on this planet. Yes, I give her money for the work that she does, because to me, I understand there is value in that. If I didn't like her work, I would not pay to see it. This is why when I go and see her dance, I don't give my money to any of the other dancers there. I am there to see her, and as I stated previously, I will give my money to her.
Not any different that going to a concert to see Willie Nelson, or My Fair Lady at the theater downtown. In the end, it is just entertainment. I like the kind that she provides, and as my own daughter said last week, I am not hurting anyone, nor am I being hurt.
Should I spend my money on something else. Perhaps. But, how would that be any different that how I am spending it now?
For instance, next month, I am planning to ride to San Antonio, TX, where I will go to an amusement park, and ride roller coasters for an entire day..... I like roller coasters, and amusement parks have them so that people can come ride them, and in doing that, they make money. My Friend That Dances is not a ride that you climb on and scream for a minute and a half, but, what entertainment that she does provide has value. And, if I do not spend all my money doing that, well, then I still want to jump out of an airplane. Talk about screaming for a minute and a half!
And everyone laughs out loud, or gets that infuriating smile on their face when I say that I am just trying to be friends. There is a line from Shakespeare, in a play that he wrote, where the character says "The lady doth protest to much, methinks". Well folks, I am here to say, once again for the record, I really want to be friends with this lady.
It's true that I had a dream (you know, the kind you have at night, while sleeping, that aren't real, and most of the time, have no basis in reality?) that she decided to stay with me, and that we developed a little chemistry along the way, but, those are the nonsense dreams of a guy who hasn't been laid in a very long time. I am not "that" obsessed.
Am I excited? Yes. Am I looking forward to "being her driver" this week?(Even if I do not really know what that means?) Yes. Do I think this is going to be a way for me to be a friend, in a way that she says "Oh, this is Lee, and he is a friend of mine." Yes. Do I think that this might take longer than other "friendships", yes, and that is because of the nature of her business which is that people are always coming to her, wanting something, a little piece of her, that they can use to their own devices.
And somehow, she has to be able to give little pieces away, in such a way that she doesn't lose herself, particularly to the wrong people, especially those that only want to use her, indeed, use her up even.
And when the day, which I believe is coming very soon, and Prinzzess hangs up the corsets, and the props, and the boots, and "retires" to her place in Florida, or even her place in Belize, returning home after a long absence, I still want to be the guy that sends her an email, IM, or Skype chat to check on her, and see what and how she is doing.
So, in conclusion, yes, I am obsessed, and further, I know it. But, I am not going to be one of those crazy people that you hear about on the news that somehow believes that I am more than I am.
Shalom.
Namaste, My Friends.
See You On The Other Side (Where, as always, first two rounds are on me!).