So, today was July 4th, which in the USA is our Independence Day.
In years past, going back more than 15 years, I have gone to the local city-run outdoor theatre, and watch the Houston Symphony perform, and then watched the fireworks.
Last year when I went the last time, Bubba was working nights, and could not go, but, I was able to get Squirmy to come with me.
Of course, if you pay attention to the dates, you know that I previously went to the "Hill", and did all these things with my now Ex, Hobbit. It has been very difficult to see her out there, especially the last couple of years, as she was with someone else, and thought it would be okay, if we all sat together. We didn't last year, because she did not go, but the previous year, we say near each other.
Since Squirmy is still not speaking to me, and Bubba, once again is working tonight, and the fact that She is still in the shop, and I am on the loaner, I did not want to go out there. Also, Number One Daughter, is working tonight, but I am not sure that an eight month pregnant woman would have much of a good time out there.
I am not sure if Hobbit is in town, but, I feared that if I went by myself, I might convince myself that it would be okay to sit with them, since I was alone.
So, having said all that, I decided to just stay home, read twitter, and perhaps blog. Although, this is the only entry that will be posted from all the ones that I started......Just not feeling the writing right now. Might have to work harder on that, because as evidenced by this entry, I obviously can put a sentence together.
In times past, I think staying home like this would have been a very depressing time, in fact I do remember a couple of years after Hobbit left that I did not go, and just sat in the dark, and, well, it was a very dark time for me. Those were the days that I prayed the hardest that God would let me die. Thank God, I am finally past all that.
Still lonely, like in the past, but, that is okay. Lonely is workable. But, it became much easier when I finally understood that the big man upstairs had given me two shots at NOT being lonely, and I screwed that up. Makes getting through the day easier.
That does not mean that I am okay with the Alone part. I hate that. I do want to share some of this life with someone. But, how do you allow someone new into your life, when that still small voice in your head is always saying "be careful, they will leave you, and break your heart, and you remember what a terrible time that was!" I guess, I do not trust folks.
That's why I like being friends with Prinzzess. She doesn't live near me, and she is way younger that I am, and, friends is all we can be. But, we have shared some laughs, and will share some again. And that is the best kind of friend to have.
So, Happy Independence Day America. Two Hundred Thirty Six years as a Republic. Forty Four Presidents, and 111 Congresses. For all the warts and wrinkles, I still see people, world wide wanting to be here, rather than anywhere else on this planet.
Good Luck, and Good Night.
Shalom.
Namaste, My Friends.
See You On The Other Side.
(and now, a NEW signature line, at least for a while)
Deo Non Fortuna