So, Friday morning rolls around, and I wake up after what was the best nights sleep in about 2 weeks. I mean like 8 straight hours in the bed, no waking up, no dreams, just sleep. This is such a rare occurrence, that I HAD to write about it. That's right, 8 straight hours of sleep, and I was not sick. Awesome.
So, my first task of the day, well, let me think. NOTHING. I am on vacation, so, after a shower, I find my little couch, and stretch out, and turn on the TV looking for something worth watching. Turns out, there was nothing.
I know that for today, Prinzzess is doing her dancing gig 4 times. 5:00 PM, then 9:00, 10:00 and 12:00(midnight). But, remember, I reported in the last blog that there is someone else here in Houston to see her, so, I will not have any driving duties today. (Editor's Note: Or Will He? Stay tuned for the twist!)
So, I was feeling mellow, and not finding any television worth watching, I was contemplating a nap, yes, I know, a nap after on being awake for 2 hours, after sleeping for 8 straight! Lazy, Right? So, while contemplating all that, I decided that I was going to treat myself, and go get some pie, and food of course, but, pie for sure.
So, I was just puttering around, when I get a text message from Prinzzess, which excited, and surprised me at the same time! I rushed to unlock the phone, and see what it was about, thinking that perhaps she needed to know where something was in town, since she's not from here.
Turns out, she was asking about getting a ride to do a few errands, because her friend was apparently sleeping.
NOW I AM PANICKING. I have no car. I didn't rent it the day before, because I had been waved off.
She said in her text that she had some stuff to do around lunch, and that was only 2 hours away. Renting the car wasn't a problem, getting to the airport to pick it up was! So, I mentally run through my options. 1) Bubba was home, but asleep 2) Number One - works same shift as Bubba, so, probably asleep.
So, I tried Bubba anyway, and he was like, "I don't mean to be an ass, but, no, I am working 8 hours at the part time job, followed immediately afterwards with 8 hours at the full time job!" I pleaded a little, and told him it would be a total of 30 minutes that he would be up, and he again stated something about not being an ass, but, NO.
So, I thought perhaps I would just call a cab, and have him take me, but dismissed it, because that was 40 bucks, which is more than the daily rate of the car that I had already reserved.
Next, I thought I would park in one of the economy parking lots, and just walk over to the rental car center about a mile away. This seemed to be the most economical sense, so I climbed on the bike, and headed out. Getting to the rental place, I asked one of the employees, if perhaps there was a place I could stash the bike, and she said no. So, back onto the bike, and I drive tot he neaest economy parking lot, with covered parking, and pull in. As I tried to pull into the covered portion of the lot, an employee yelled at me that they wouldn't allow me to park there. I was incredulous, and asked how I was supposed to fly out of the airport if the parking lot wouldn't allow me to park? I know, a little over the top, but, the minimum wage moron couldn't answer it, and just parroted "I'm only follow orders from my boss, while pointing at a walkie talkie.
So, now, i am in a panic. I have no where to park She.
I thought about leaving it at the visitors lot at the rental car center, but checking the that out, I found there were signs everywhere that they would tow any vehicle let for longer than 2 hours. So I left for the house.
While going there, I realized that I should have already been to Prinzzess hotel, and I was in a jam.
I even asked the neighbor if I could borrow his cool Caddilac pickup that he has for a toy. we joke all the time about me borrowing whatever "toy" that he has. But, the Fates stood in the way of that happening.
So, I called Prinzzess, and explained that I was unable to pick her up soon, and that she might need to wake up the other dude, if she needed to go.
Then I went into the house, and put She up, and Did what was my first option, that I dismissed as not practical, I called a cab. $42.50 later (minus the tip), I was at the Rental Car place, and then I was headed back home.
I had already missed getting to shuttle Prinzzess around, so, I decided while heading back towards home, I remembered that right before all of this running around like a chicken with no head, that I was going to go and get pie.
So, off I went to the Kirby location of House of Pies, where, while it looked full, there was a table for me to sit down to right away.
So, I ordered a BLT, and fries, and a piece of Strawberry-Rhubarb, warmed, with the ice cream.
I only ate the sandwich, and 4 fries, before I decided that the pie was not going to be wasted. It was so freaking good. I realized while eating it, that it was the first pie since Tampa. Which is too long to go without pie.
Looking at my phone, I realized that it was 2:45, so, I thought I would head back, and perhaps get a haircut, because while still short, I was getting fuzzy. Down the road I went. Hitting the North freeway, we came to a stop. The road signs warned that is was 18 minute to get to the next landmark, 8 miles away.
Nothing that I could do, and so I creep-ed along. Finally an hour later, I decided that there is no way to get to the hair place, and then get to the club for the 5:00 PM show. So, I went home. Getting in, and laying on my little couch, I get another text from Prinzzess asking if I could pick her up for her 5:00 show. Of Course, said yes.
So looking at the clock, I realized that I probably needed to leave as soon as I could, because I needed to stop at Wells Fargo, and get some money (Editor's Note: Never go to a club without Money, because their ATM's charge 20% to get money, and you NEED money in a club, if you want attention from the feature!).
Out the door I went. As soon as I cleared the subdivision entrance traffic is in gridlock. I am like AAAAHHHHHAAHAHAHHHHHAH screaming in the car. Finally, I cut through 2 subdivisions, and a back road to get to the main highway, and begin speed to my destination. There is one bank, 3 miles from the highway, just a short way down the road. I get to the turn, make the right, and 1.5 miles later all traffic, all stop. (Editor's Note: Remember that screaming, it's still going!). I bump forward for 10 minutes, and realize that I am never going to pull this off, and uturn, and head back to the main road. (Editor's Note: He did stop by a bank, and get cash, but, it wasn't WF, so, I had to pay the outrageous ATM fees)
So, the clock says 4:10, the phone's GPS says my destination is 42 minutes ahead, in the current traffic. I send Prinzzess a text and explain that. No Response.
I am worried, because the club is advertising a 5:00 show, which caters to all the folks that stop by after work and in my previous experience is very packed.
At 4:20, the phone says 22 minutes, but, I am zooming in and out of traffic like a mad man now. I send a text, 20 minutes, thinking, "only 10 minutes late to the club, and 10 minutes late to the club, should be okay". Again, No Response. (Editor's Note: You can imagine that she is very busy with eyelashes, and curling irons, and makeup, and body spray, and comfortable underwear...... Ahhhh, good break!)
So, at 4:29, the phone lights up, Of course its Prinzzess. "are u here?"
Phone says that I am 6 minutes away. But, I am actually on the final stretch of road, and am weaving in and out of traffic like I am on the motorcycle. Double daring folks to run into my rental car. No One Did. as I am weaving, i, one-thumbed a reply, I am here, and as I flew through the last light, mashed send, thew the phone down, slowed down, and squealed into the front drive of the hotel.
Time on phone 4:41. I get out of the car, and shaking like a leaf from the adrenaline that was flowing, I walk around the car, and open the passenger side door. I sit back down in the car, and close my door, I am looking at my phone when Prinzzess slides into the seat next to me with the greeting "Hello Stranger". Closing her door, she asks me, "know how to get to the club, to which I replied "of course."
She was wearing some tight blue jeans, flip-flops, and an orange and white striped top. It was cut low, because I could see the bra top peeking out.
I apologized for being late, and told her that traffic had been bad, gave her the rundown how I had been on the road in traffic all afternoon, from the time I picked up the car, Going to the pie place, and then trying to get a hair cut. She looked up, and said "pie place", "where's my pie?", to which I had to sputter, because I never really expected to hang out with her, and passed on picking up a piece to go. Then she hauled off and smacked me in the arm. HARD. Then I apologized, and said "you hit me!" She grinned and said that what you get for not getting me pie, and then said, I am going to tweet that you didn't get me pie. To which I retorted that I would tweet that she hit me hard.
We both laughed. it was kind of a crazy moment, and to be truthful, it was exactly what I needed to relax. Relax, like from the trip to OKC through the previous night, to that moment. I figured if she felt comfortable enough to cut up, and smack me, all was well. (Editor's Note: It was a cool moment for him, and without being able to say how, it was exactly what he needed.)
After that, we are flying down the feeder road (this is the surface street that runs alongside the freeway) towards the club.
Arriving at the club, I dropped her off at the front door, and went to park the car. Walking into the club, ans walking through the metal detector, the door girl asked if I was the friend of the feature, and I said yes, and she said go on in. Woooo. Saved the 10.00!
So going in, I realize that he place is packed. Which I think to myself is a good thing, because I want Prinzzess to make a solid metric tone in tips, so that she will come back to Houston again someday.
I went to the bar, and decide that I am going to have one drik, even though I knew I would be leaving in 1.5 hours. I drank it, and 3 cokes, and found a good seat, fended off the local dancer girls, and drank 2 more coke. Finally, about 5:15 the DJ makes his "Prinzzess is in the house" announcement, and I was thinking to myself, why are they delaying this? The crowd is big, and they seem to be having fun (read:drinking), and from the few house dancers that I saw, there was money being tossed to the stage.
Finally 5:30, the DJ begins to go through the intro reading (Editor's Note: Butchering it again. I mean, this is the third time you have read it, you shouldn't stumble over stuff that is written down!) and her CV/Resume.
And with the music blaring, here she comes for her first show of the night! What do you know, she is dressed in her, very proper, school girl uniform. Of course, the skirt was a tiny bit too short, but everything was covered. she had on tall boots, with the requisite white sock under them. First song (That's right, I did hear some music this time!) (Woo!) Baby One More Time. Almost immediately, there is audience members standing at the edge of the stage, and they were different guys than had been tipping earlier to the house entertainers.
Round and Round she spins, to her knees she falls, and then, somehow, on her back with her legs in the air! It was crazy, it was sexy, and it was very expected. I mean, I say this alot about Prinzzess and her dancing, but, she puts so much energy into her dancing. Never at any point have I ever thought, "She's just calling this in", Nope it's never happened.
Items of clothing begin to be pulled to the side, and sometimes, pulled down. Sometimes she use the little skirt to "protect' her modesety, so we won't see her underwear (but not for long, because she pull it right out of the way, and there were her fancy panties, for everyone to see....
Second Song, Hot For Teacher. I have told you in the past that this song was popular when I was in 10th grade and getting daily tutoring in Geometry from a teacher that was so smoking hot that all my brain heard she whe spoke was "AAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH", and what do you know, I heard that same sound again! AAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHH
By now, I am at the edge of the stage, and I am waiting my turn as she went back and forth to everyone that was there at the edge of the stage to get a little momentary, special attention.
And, we all got some! No one moved from their spots. She is just that good! (Editor's Note: Yes, Mrs Williams, I know we do not start our sentences with the word "and". My most humble apologies)
Third Song, was the classic Pink Floyd, Another Brick in The Wall. by now, we are spreading lotion, and applying dollar bill "body paper" directly to the various parts of the body that we were allowed to. She did her DVD sale thing, and sold both of her DVD's.
Finally, last song, and I have to pause here and say that I used "sahzam" phone app to figure out what the songs were, I do not recall this song at all, which I have written down as Written On Her". In fact, I listened to the song on youtube, to see if I recognized it. Nope, No Clue. So, this one might be wrong.
Now she is down to the smallest g-string I think that I have ever seen on a person, in person, in my entire life. When I tell you no imagination was needed, you can trust that. There is no other way to say it, I blacked out again, fortunately I was sitting down, so, I did not injure myself at all!
The last song was extended a few times, because there were many folks at the stage, and they were all tipping! It was an amazing sight.
And then, just like that, it was over. Posters were given out, girls had the bewbs squeezed, fellas got to put a dollar bill on her bottom, and her stomach and her bewbs, and well, I am getting overheated. Time to wrap this up, You get the idea.
There was a big cheer, and lots of clapping as she walked off he stage. I saw her escorted to her dressing room, and then I went to the bar, and got a water, and a coke.
Soon she came out, and her table was set up, and fans, new and old, were standing two deep all around her. She got my attention, and pointed at the chair next to her, and so I went. It was very cool to sit there watch her wend her way through the crowd. Soon the crowd thinned out, and and she picked up her stuff, and off she went to get changed.
A few minutes later, she came out, with he club owner, and the manager both following along behind her. She saw me, and pointed to the door, and off we went.
I will continue this in the next blog entry, as this one is very long......
As Always, Shalom. Namaste, My Friends. See You On The Other Side. Deo non Fortuna.